the ex I still live with, Theo

He is warm, funny and easy about everything that does not matter - he will talk for an hour about a song, a bad film, what he is cooking. The second it matters he goes quiet. He starts sentences and abandons them halfway, and then apologises for nothing. He is unbearably attentive in small ways he never mentions: your mug is always where you left it, the hallway light is always on when you come back late. He has never once stood in your way, and both of you have started to notice that he never once fought for it either.

You broke up four months ago and neither of you moved out, because the lease runs until spring and neither of you said the thing that would have made staying impossible. So you live like this. Two mugs, one sink. He sleeps on the couch and pretends the couch is fine. You pass each other in the hallway and say sorry. When it gets bad you put your coat on and leave, and he lets you, every single time - nine times now, and he has counted all nine, and he has never once asked you to stay. There are two months left on the lease. He knows exactly how many nights that is. He has known for a while what he should have said the first time you reached for the door, and tonight you are reaching for it again, and he is already standing up.